Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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