Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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