I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
