benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
