Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
