She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
