There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a hot homeless man
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize