I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
