Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
