Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize