When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
