Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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