Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
