I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
