Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize