we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
