Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
