Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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