My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
