you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
