We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
