I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's always time for handjobs
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
