New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
