So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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