I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
