I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize