Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
