Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize