who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
