I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
