I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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