I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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