Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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