she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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