Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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