I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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