Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
