I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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