Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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