it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize