he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
