Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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