if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She even gives head with a lisp.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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