Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize