Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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