just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
