I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
