Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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