I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
