Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
