i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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