The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize