You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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