Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
