if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize