It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
