Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
