I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
