bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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