You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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