my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
