Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
