I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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