Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
