You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
