eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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