Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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