I look better un-naked...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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