Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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