I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
