oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
