this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
