You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize