How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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