Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
