Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize