Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
