he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
