I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
