Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
