This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it because I queefed?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
