is your mom at the bar?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
