u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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