i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
