thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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