So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
