Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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