I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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