So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
