Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't turn off my feet"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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