do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
