so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
