a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
