just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
