I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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