im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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