He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
