3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
