i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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