My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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