hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
